Looking at Valentine’s Day with a Solution-Focused Therapist

What is Solution-Focused therapy? I love talking about my therapeutic approach, because working with my clients is so fun. I’m not sitting and listening to problems all day. I’m looking for solutions.

Solution-Focused therapy is the idea that we’re doing something right in our lives, even during times when things seem not so great. Does this sound like a few of your important relationships sometimes? Does this remind you of your life? Why does it seem that so much of psychotherapy is all about analyzing problems and focusing on the past? Ugh…

Solution-Focused therapy is about seeking out strengths, in many cases unbeknownst to you, and using them to help out your weaknesses.

What does this have to do with Valentine’s Day?


I know so many people who get bent out of shape over Valentine’s Day. Like one of the general principles of Solution-Focused therapy, it doesn’t have to be that complicated:

Do what you know works.

What are your favorite activities together? Is movie night always fun? Do you relish going to bed early? Trying a new restaurant? Ignoring the holiday altogether?

For a stress-free Valentine’s Day, consider doing more of what you know works for the two of you. Eliminate the unknowns: the effort to hope she finally likes Indian food, or that he’ll finally take to your gift of silk boxers. Just for this day, see what it’s like to completely embrace each other as you are. If you buy a gift or make plans, do it with this spirit.

I am constantly marveling at my clients’ unique strengths and talents. Tap into your own on this day: what would Valentine’s Day be like if you gave each other a break and did exactly what you know you love?

“There are things you do because they feel right and they may make no sense and they may make no money and it may be the real reason we are here: to love each other and to eat each other’s cooking and to say it was good.”